If you are reading this, the chances are you are gradually coming to the realisation that you are in the grips of an ‘unhinged from the realms of reality’ Patrick Bateman style sociopath, OR you are about to be reclaimed by one, ‘hoovered’ if you like.
Sociopaths, or ‘Socio’s’ as they are alternatively known, creep into your life like an underlying illness and are not that easy to get rid of. Although we may laugh about these things, the reality of dating a sociopath is not all that funny. As an expert in this field, I have put together 9 points on how to spot a socio, whether full blown or emerging.
1) Inflated Ego
The initial red flag of socioism (that is often overlooked in the midst of infatuation) is the inflated ego. Whilst in their natural habitat, their comfort zone if you will, the sociopath is king. This may be the king of a shitty bar in the backstreets of London, or the king of a plush accounting office, but nevertheless, they are king.
The socio will talk a big game, even if they have little to show for said game. Their larger than life personality ensues that they are always the centre of attention; they are extremely competitive in this field and always have their resident women-folk in close proximity – think of it like a stag and his harem.
2) The Victim Card
The sociopath is a fast mover, so don’t be surprised if he hits you with tales of turmoil and abandonment on date number two, this is to manufacture a feeling of trust, which will be topped with “I’ve never told anyone this before” for extra barrier demolition. This is called the victim card. Though don’t feel like this is a one-off occasion, the victim card will be whipped out whenever the socio feels under threat. When the alarm is raised, a socio can emit tears in a more pitiful manner than Mark Wright on Strictly.
3) Week 1: I love you
To everybody around you, this red flag will be more prominent than Lindsay Lohan’s upper lip. A sociopath is incapable of love, but knows he needs to show traits of it to get what he wants, and he’ll do this early on.
You may feel like you have met your soul mate because everything’s perfect, but the socio is the lyrebird of the human race. Superficial love is the most important tool a socio has, he will initially smother you with this, something you will constantly try to get back when he abruptly shuts it off. By this point, he’s probably already moved in. (Fuck.)
4) Lies and manipulation
A sociopath will even go to extreme lengths to cover up cheating, he will very rarely leave his phone within reach, if you ever make contact with it, he will be breathing down your neck like a pervert during rush hour. A true sociopath will hide numbers under different names, and even enlist the use of a pseudonym on websites and email addresses. Trust me, this happens.
5) No emotions
A weathered sociopath will immediately have an answer for any predicament in which he may be found, an amateur sociopath, will have to leave the room, and return later with a plan of attack. OR, he will just whatsapp it to you, from another room, once he thinks of it.
This premeditated plan of attack will usually be an onslaught of blame and guilt placed directly onto the person of wrongdoing. You. If the situation REALLY calls for it, out comes the good old victim card (abandonment, I deserve nothing, I think I have cancer, Mark Wright tears…)
A sociopath will work to cut off your resources like a gangrenous limb. Friends? They’re all after something. Notice how a sociopath just sits and stares in social situations that are outside of his territory? That’s him looking for an excuse for mutiny. This way, you turn your back on people who could threaten his way of life. It’s a socio eat socio world out there!
7) ‘But we’re a team’
He’s the star; he’s the centre of attention. If you even ATTEMPT to become anything other than the safety net and chief bill payer, you will be squashed like an ant under a fake ugg boot. This isn’t so noticeable at first, but eventually you will give up all your hopes and dreams to idolise his, which he expects to land on his lap. And which won’t. Cue long evenings waiting for him to come home whilst he’s out working *ahem* sizing up his next target.
8) The breakup
The only time a sociopath is going to cut loose from all the fruits of your labour, is when they’ve fucked up beyond the point of no return, this is usually when they’ve got over-confident with their activities and want to avoid getting found out. Though don’t expect them to take any blame for the demise of the relationship – after all, you hold the qualities than made it perish, you didn’t trust him, he felt trapped, you went through his phone, etc etc…
Think of it being rationalised like so… “I murdered someone because I wasn’t happy because you weren’t happy because I cheated, but I only did that because you drove me to it – I did the right thing” cue victim card.
Even though your sociopath has discarded you and you have now become widely known as crazy and narcissistic amongst the general population, this doesn’t mean you will never hear from him again. Sociopaths are well known to panic and make a return plea if they feel their new target is not a good enough fit or if they feel you are moving on. Think of it like leaving a cushy well-paid job that you’ve been in for a number of years, have you been too hasty? What if the benefits aren’t as good as they seem?
What follows, is known as Hoovering. This is where a sociopath either (1) shows his true skin-wearer capabilities and turns into nothing other than a stalker, vowing to do ANYTHING it takes to get you back (2) creates some kind of life drama where he ‘needs’ you and can start to reel you back in using you as a shoulder to (mark wright tears) cry on, or (3) plays it sly, sending you the odd carefully scheduled message to keep him ever present in your mind – he wasn’t that bad was he? He said he would change right?
The answer, is NO. A sociopath will never change, they may do for a month, possibly even two – but like Winona Ryder in Superdrug, they are unable to help themselves for very long.
My advice? Sever all ties, burn that fucking hoover, and run like you’ve spotted a Brazilian wandering spider in your Waitrose banana’s!
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