Humour

9 ways to tell if your boyfriend is a sociopath

Jack_Nicholson

If you are reading this, the chances are you are gradually coming to the realisation that you are in the grips of an ‘unhinged from the realms of reality,’ Patrick Bateman-style sociopath. Or, you are about to be reclaimed by one, ‘hoovered,’ if you like.

Sociopaths, or “Socio’s” as they are otherwise known, creep into your life like an underlying illness and are not that easy to get rid of.

Although we may laugh about these things, the reality of dating a sociopath is not all that funny.

As an expert in this field, I have put together 9 points on how to spot a socio, whether full blown or emerging.

1) Inflated Ego
The initial red flag of socioism (that is often overlooked in the midst of infatuation) is the inflated ego.Whilst in their natural habitat, the sociopath is king. This may be the king of a shitty bar in the backstreets of London, or the king of a plush accounting officebut nevertheless they are king.

The socio will talk a big game, even if they have very little to show it – and their larger than life personality will always ensure that they’re the centre of attention.

A socio is very competitive in this field and will always keep their women-folk in close proximity. Think of it like a stag and his harem.

2) The Victim Card 
The socio is a fast mover, so don’t be surprised if you’re hit with tales of turmoil and abandonment on date number two.

This is to manufacture a feeling of trust, and will be paired with: “I’ve never told anyone this before” for extra barrier demolition.

Introducing: the victim card.

Though don’t feel like this is a one-off occasion, the victim card will be whipped out whenever the socio feels under threat.

When alarm bells ring, a socio can emit tears in away that would put Rylan to shame…

3) Week 1: I love you
To everybody around you, this red flag will be more prominent than Lindsay Lohan’s upper lip.

A sociopath is incapable of love, but knows he needs to show traits of it to get what he wantsand he’ll do this early on.

You may feel like you have met your soulmate because everything’s perfect, but the socio is the lyrebird of the human race.

The ability to fake love is the most important asset in a socios tool kit; he will initially smother you with this, until he moves in. Then he’ll abruptly shut it off.

Shit. You’re trapped.


4) Lies and manipulation
A sociopath will even go to extreme lengths to cover up cheating
.

He will very rarely leave his phone within reach and if you ever make contact with it, he will be breathing down your neck like a pervert during rush hour.

A true sociopath will disguise phone numbers with different names, use fake email addresses and even enlist the use of a pseudonym on dating and hook-up sites.

You have to admire their determination.

5) No emotions
A weathered sociopath will immediately have an answer for any predicament
, in which he may be found.

An amateur sociopathwill have to leave the roomand return later with a plan of attack. OR, he will just whatsapp it to you, from another room, once he thinks of it.

This premeditated plan of attack will usually be an onslaught of blame and guilt, placed directly onto the shoulders of the person of wrongdoing. You.

If the situation REALLY calls for it, out comes the good old victim card (abandonment, I deserve nothing, I think I’m terminal, Rylan tears…)

6) Isolation
A sociopath will work to cut off your resources
, like gangrenous limbs.

Friends? They’re all after something. Family? They’re trying to get in-between us. Colleagues? They just want to get with you.

Notice how a sociopath just sits and stares in any social situation, that take place outside of his territory?

That’s him looking for an excuse for mutiny. This way, you turn your back on the people who could threaten his way of life.

It’s a socio eat socio world out there!

7) ‘But we’re a team’
He’s the star
, he’s the centre of attention – its all about him.

Remember this. Because if you ever even attemptto become anything other than the designated safety net and chief bill payeryou willbe treated as though you’ve just tried to shoot his dog.

This isn’t so noticeable at first, but eventually you will give up all your hopes and dreams to idolise his. Which are basically shit and non-existent.

8) The breakup
The only time a sociopath is going to cut loose from all the fruits of your labour, is when they’ve fucked up beyond the point of no return
.

This is usually when they’ve got over-confident with their activities and want to avoid getting found out.

Though don’t expect them to take any blame for the demise of the relationship.After all, you hold the qualities that made it fail: you didn’t trust him, he felt trapped, you went through his phone, you were always working…

Think of it being rationalised, like so: “I murdered someone because I wasn’t happy, because you weren’t happy, because I cheated on you. But I only did that, because you drove me to it. I did the right thing.” *Cue victim card and Rylan tears*

9) Hoovering
Even though your sociopath has discarded you, and you have now become widely known as crazy and narcissistic amongst the general populationthis doesn’t mean that you will never hear from him again.

Sociopaths are well known to panic and make a return plea, if they worry their new target is not a good enough fitor if they don’t like the fact you’ve moved on.

Think of it like leaving a cushy, well-paid job that you’ve been in for a number of years. Have you been too hasty? What if the benefits aren’t as good as they seem?

american-psycho-4ff951c78a025

What follows, is known as Hoovering. This is where a sociopath either:

(1) Shows his true skin-wearing capabilities and turns into none other than a stalker, vowing to doanything it takes to get you back

(2) Creates some kind of life drama where he needsyou and can start to reel you back in, using you as a shoulder to (Rylan tears) cry on

(3) Plays it sly, sending you the odd carefully scheduled message to keep him ever present in your mind. He wasn’t that bad, was he? He said he would change, right?

The answer, is NO.

A sociopath will never change; they may do for a month, possibly even two – but likeWinona Ryder in Superdrug, they are unable to help themselves for very long.

My advice? Sever all ties, burn that fucking hoover, and run like you’ve spotted a Brazilian wandering spider in your Waitrose banana’s!


Follow me on Twitter: 

@Tristen_Lee

3 comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s