18 things that happen when you live with other people…

Ah, communal living; the land of passive aggressive fridge notes, passive aggressive group chats, enforced borderline alcoholism and more drama than in an episode of Ex On The Beach – but you wouldn’t have it any other way. (Or at least, can’t afford to)

Here are 18 things that happen when you live with other people…

1) Someone will always callously jump in the shower just as you muster the strength to get up and pee

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15 things that happen in your mid-20’s

The midlife crisis is a well-known phenomenon; you may even know somebody that’s fallen prey to it and has suddenly developed a large collection of Hawaiian shirts, leather trousers or rock’n’roll compilation CD’s. What’s not so widely publicised though, is its preliminary attack; a smaller, but equally life changing milestone on the landscape of adulthood, the quarter life crisis.

As soon as you hit your mid-20s, you change. You start to realise that your parents were annoyingly right about a lot of things, your choice of TV becomes extremely questionable, and you spend the majority of your days wondering what you’re doing with your life.

Here are 15 other things that happen in your mid-20s:

  1. You need eight hours of sleep to be able to function, even then you’re still tired.

  2. You have a bed time now; 10.30, 11.15 latest. Anything after this spells doom for the morning, and a high risk of violence on the tube.

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I let my best friend take control of my Tinder and this is what happened…

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Georgie and I have been best friends for over five years, during which we have shed tears over a number of abominable relationships, and have laughed in disbelief at some shocking dating disasters. Let’s just say, our milkshake brings all the twats to the yard.

Some say your friends know you better than you know yourself; they will offer words of encourage when they spot fetch happening, and they will be the ones to warn you against falling into a fuckboy’s ‘mirror pic’ lined web. We decided to test this theory.

For two weeks, we took over each other’s Tinder accounts, taking charge of biographies, pictures and dating arrangements, to see if we could help each other meet our matches.
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10 ways to spot a fuckboy in his natural habitat

Spotting a fuckboy in his natural habitat can be difficult. FB’s as we’re going to call them, have learnt to evolve and often manage to disguise themselves as mates, or eligible partners.

Sooner or later though, unless you’re otherwise involved with an unusually advanced FB, an intelligent one, their web of fuckboydom will begin to unravel, one navy roll neck at a time.

Whether they’re a boat-shoe wearing ‘you’ll be hearing from my father’ fuckboy, a fitness #gains fuckboy, or the more common ‘cheeky Nando’s’ fuckboy; here are our top tips on how to spot one out in the wild.

  1. He tells you what you want to hear

This is a must in the practice of fuckboydom; if he’s going to have you at his disposal, he needs to convincingly fabricate a bond. To do this, he will most likely go down the “this is so easy / we have so much in common / I’ve never felt like this before” route.

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Why Valentines Day is the absolute worst

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To some, Valentines Day is an occasional landmark; a prime opportunity to show love for another via the medium of tacky cards, blow up hearts and some kind of overpriced confectionary. For others, Valentines Day is a bit like having a Brazilian wax: painful, awkward and questionable as to whether it’s actually necessary.

This Valentines Day, women everywhere will be getting ready to dust off the lacy red or black lingerie, whilst their dates fight to book a table at a bizarre choice of restaurant, serving ten of the smallest courses you’ve ever seen.

If I haven’t lost you already, here are 10 reasons why I find Valentines Day to be the absolute worst…
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10 things that all women know to be true #GirlProbs

Holding up our publicly acceptable façade is not easy, there are many parts to our daily routine and contrary to popular belief, we did not ‘wake up like this.’

Not only are we at risk of impalement from bra underwires, we also  subject ourselves to tweezing, plucking, threading and waxing; something that can only be described as a form of self torture, that we occasionally like to pay for.

Below, are some other mild irritations of being the produce of an XX chromosome…

1. Hair sticking to your lipstick

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Unless you regularly rock the ‘Croydon facelift and bun’ combination, you have probably been subjected to wind induced dignity loss at least once in your life.

Not only are things like blindness and mass hair consumption a possibility when it’s thrashing across your face; it’s also extremely annoying when it continually sticks to your carefully applied lipstick, in preparation of bumping into fit Dan from next door. It’s a cruel world when you’re forsaken by something, that you spend so much time and money on.

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Top 10 things that all men should know about women…

We are educated on the difference between men and women from an early age. John Gray taught us that ‘women are from Venus, men are from Mars’ – a fact later backed up by Bananarama and that revolutionary Geri Halliwell single, Bag It Up.

But just in case lyrics, such as, “I like midnight, it’s when I’m in the mood, he likes the morning ‘cos that’s when he’s rude” haven’t cleared it all up for you; I’ve put together a list of the top 10 things that all men should know about women.

  1. MI6 has nothing on our investigative capabilities

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If your girl ever asks, “who is she?” – you’re better off not lying, because she already knows who she is, where she lives, where she works, how many cats she has, her mothers maiden name and her national insurance number.

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Dapper Laughs and the quest for bants

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In a modern day rebellion, much like Miley Cyrus shaking off her Disney Club credentials by dry-humping Robin Thicke, dressed in Masterplast – it seems we have waved goodbye to the gentleman in exchange for a misogynous, overly tanned, Lynx Africa wearing counterpart, otherwise known as the ‘lad.’

One fine example of this phenomenon is Dapper Laughs. Neither Dapper or able to stimulate any form of reaction that could otherwise be described as a ‘laugh’ from anyone with half a brain-cell, this so-called comedian makes a living out of being quasi racist, homophobic and telling all woman they’re “proper moist.”

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9 ways to tell if your boyfriend is a sociopath

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If you are reading this, the chances are you are gradually coming to the realisation that you are in the grips of an ‘unhinged from the realms of reality’ Patrick Bateman style sociopath, OR you are about to be reclaimed by one, ‘hoovered’ if you like.

Sociopaths, or ‘Socio’s’ as they are alternatively known, creep into your life like an underlying illness and are not that easy to get rid of. Although we may laugh about these things, the reality of dating a sociopath is not all that funny. As an expert in this field, I have put together 9 points on how to spot a socio, whether full blown or emerging.

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